Meet Razorsnoot! You’ve read about his before in Phillip’s Quest, Book 1: Winterfrost. You know, the goblin with digestive issues–probably from eating small rodents–and henchman for the Red Queen, well, here he is again. In living–sort of–color!
Such a pretty fellow! And now, the poor guy has competition. It was bad enough when Jet set his butt on fire in Phillip’s Quest, Book 1:Winterfrost, but now he’s dealing with the Queen’s favorite chiroptera bat, Bael! But, he still has to learn how to deal with Jet!
He rode to the top and approached the witch, head bowed. His
spider slinked up the knoll, ever so quietly. Razorsnoot was
dumbfounded by the Red Witch’s transformation. Where was that
hideous dragon of hers? He peered at the huge, black horse with his
one purple eye. He hated the dragon, but a horse? He decided he
could handle a horse, until he saw its eyes. They were red! The horse
watched Razorsnoot as he approached on the spider.
“Your report, Razorsnoot,” said the witch as she peered down at
the skulking figures.
“Yesssssss, ma’am,” hissed the goblin. “Market destroyed, jusssssst
as you commanded.”
“And the bodies?” she responded.
“We captured a bunch of the little runtssssss and locked them in
the wagonsssss. The resssst are lying dead in the market.”
“Very well!” replied the witch. “Run and fetch me that little
gnome, Phillip, and his wife Ivy and our business shall be complete.”
Razorsnoot picked at a large wart on his nose and looked around.
He had a tendency to pass wind when he was nervous.
“Umm…Phillip and hissss wife Ivy, ma’am? I don’t recall (fart, fart)
their whereaboutssssss (fart).”
“You don’t recall their whereabouts?” responded the Red Witch
with a raised and dreadful tone. “One of your very simple instructions,
goblin, was to capture OR kill two VERY specific gnomes. You were
provided descriptions. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU VILE
CREATURE. GO BACK DOWN THERE AND BRING ME THEIR BODIES!
“(FART, fart, FART, fart) Yes ma’am! (fart),” cried Razorsnnot.
Jet’s eyes glared at the mumbling and frantic goblin. The steed
had become agitated and his nostrils began to smoke.
As Razorsnoot reared his spider around to go back down the hill
to the wagons, he started to fart uncontrollably. The other goblins
could even here his farts from the bottom of the hill and they began to
snicker and giggle.
Jet’s nostril’s opened up. He shot a flaming hot blast of fire right
at the goblin’s backside.
“AYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE!” screamed Razorsnoot.
He lept off the spider and rolled down the hill. His rear was on
“Help me!”–Phillip’s Quest, Book 1: Winterfrost