Now, he’s pretty!

Meet Razorsnoot! You’ve read about his before in Phillip’s Quest, Book 1: Winterfrost.  You know, the goblin with digestive issues–probably from eating small rodents–and henchman for the Red Queen, well, here he is again. In living–sort of–color!Image

 

Such a pretty fellow! And now, the poor guy has competition.  It was bad enough when Jet set his butt on fire in Phillip’s Quest, Book 1:Winterfrost, but now he’s dealing with the Queen’s favorite chiroptera bat, Bael! But, he still has to learn how to deal with Jet!

He rode to the top and approached the witch, head bowed. His

spider slinked up the knoll, ever so quietly. Razorsnoot was

dumbfounded by the Red Witch’s transformation. Where was that

hideous dragon of hers? He peered at the huge, black horse with his

one purple eye. He hated the dragon, but a horse? He decided he

could handle a horse, until he saw its eyes. They were red! The horse

watched Razorsnoot as he approached on the spider.

“Your report, Razorsnoot,” said the witch as she peered down at

the skulking figures.

“Yesssssss, ma’am,” hissed the goblin. “Market destroyed, jusssssst

as you commanded.”

“And the bodies?” she responded.

“We captured a bunch of the little runtssssss and locked them in

the wagonsssss. The resssst are lying dead in the market.”

“Very well!” replied the witch. “Run and fetch me that little

gnome, Phillip, and his wife Ivy and our business shall be complete.”

Razorsnoot picked at a large wart on his nose and looked around.

He had a tendency to pass wind when he was nervous.

“Umm…Phillip and hissss wife Ivy, ma’am? I don’t recall (fart, fart)

their whereaboutssssss (fart).”

“You don’t recall their whereabouts?” responded the Red Witch

with a raised and dreadful tone. “One of your very simple instructions,

goblin, was to capture OR kill two VERY specific gnomes. You were

provided descriptions. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU VILE

CREATURE. GO BACK DOWN THERE AND BRING ME THEIR BODIES!

NOW!”

“(FART, fart, FART, fart) Yes ma’am! (fart),” cried Razorsnnot.

Jet’s eyes glared at the mumbling and frantic goblin. The steed

had become agitated and his nostrils began to smoke.

As Razorsnoot reared his spider around to go back down the hill

to the wagons, he started to fart uncontrollably. The other goblins

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could even here his farts from the bottom of the hill and they began to

snicker and giggle.

Jet’s nostril’s opened up. He shot a flaming hot blast of fire right

at the goblin’s backside.

“AYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE!” screamed Razorsnoot.

He lept off the spider and rolled down the hill. His rear was on

fire.

“Help me!”–Phillip’s Quest, Book 1: Winterfrost

 

Meet Llamont!

Is he not the sweetest llama you’ve ever seen? Llamont is from my newest book–to be out on October–“Above the Stars,”  Book II in the Phillip’s Quest series.  He is drawn by the brilliant illustrator/artist, Dean Kuhta and lives, with his wife, Llemura, in the mountains of Ice Cave Canyon. An important character to the series, Llamont may be one of the prints available during our Kickstarter campaign in September! Image   –From:  Phillip’s Quest, Book II: Above the Stars, by Belinda C. Barker and Illustrated by Dean Kuhta–

He was chomping on a long blade of grass. This odd looking fellow wore no boots on his very furry feet. He was the herder of the spotted goats. The goat herder had a few of the silly goats lagging behind. He seemed completely unaware of the dinosaur beside him or the gnome standing on top. Edward had managed to scramble to the top of Stinky’s head where he perched himself so he could get a better view of the activities.

“Lassies, p-p-please now. Yur a-laggin’ b-b-behind. It’s almos t-t-time fer t-t-tay.” As he spoke, there were little sprays of liquid coming from his mouth. Indeed, he spit as he spoke.

“We’re goin’ as fast as we…” The head goat, Veni-Vedi, fell over in faint. It lasted two or three seconds and then, “can. Hold yer britches!”

This odd fellow plus many more make their appearance in the newest book of the Phillip’s Quest series as Phillip and his two companions, Edward the Squirrel and Stinky the Dinosaur, continue on their quest for Winterfrost Castle. Meet Bael, the Red Witch’s new villain who tries to straighten out Razorsnoot, the farting goblin. Meet Oli, Edward’s sister who is taking care of a special gnome. And meet Chaspere, the lizard who’s a wizard!

Look for the “Above the Stars” Kickstarter Campaign beginning in September, so that Llamont, Llemura and their silly, spotted goats can leave Ice Cave Canyon for the pages of “Phillip’s Quest, Book II.”  Win free prizes–jewelry, art prints, gift cards, free signed copies of “Winterfrost” and “The Ragwort Chronicles,” and MORE.

Sign up for the “Gnome Gnews-Letter” at this website for updates about the campaign, new books and exciting offers!

Reviews–An Author’s Life Blood

Did you know that a review from a reader is like a million dollars to an author? Well, only of they’re good, of course.  But still, a bad review helps an author learn what needs to be fixed. After you have sold a few books, especially through Amazon, it’s always nice to check in with the customer reviews to see what’s been written.  What I’ve found out though, is some people don’t know that the option is available. And, don’t realize how valuable that review is. So, boys and girls, ladies and gents, friends and family, here is “Writing the Review, 101.”

If you’ve ever bought anything on Amazon, then you should already have an account.  If you haven’f, good for you! No, really, Amazon is a great place to shop–especially for BOOKS or ebooks!  So, I will assume that you’re not part of the 10% of people in the US who has never bought anything on Amazon.  But, lets start at the beginning so:

  1. Go to your favorite SEARCH engine and type in, Amazon or Amazon.com or http://www.amazon.com or, if you want to go right to the source, click on the link: http://www.amazon.com/Phillips-Quest-Book-Winterfrost/dp/0615886930/  There! Phillip's Quest
  2. If you DON’T use the above link, that’s fine, once you’re in Amazon, just search for my name: belinda miller or Phillip’s Quest or in the near future, The Ragworts! Voila!
  3. You should be on the book page of Winterfrost.  That’s a good thing.
  4. Now, scroll, scroll, scroll to the bottom of the page where it says “Write a Customer Review.”
  5. Don’t forget the number of STARS! Hopefully, you’ll tap 5, but I realize not everyone loves Phillip.
  6. Add your review!  It can be one word like “Great,” or two words like “Really great,” or three words like “Not so great.”  It’s okay, I’ll still love you! Or a lengthy and profound review, that’s good too!
  7. The final step is to SUBMIT, and let Amazon do its magic.
  8. And then, there’s this:Image

The best review of all.